Jokes Of The Day !

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Ok when telling this joke you have to be really serious otherwise you will ruin it.

There are two guys heading to a party, a gay guy and a straight guy. The gay guy is driving

Straight guy: Said why did you stop?
Gay guy: The light is going to be red.
( light turns red )
Straight guy: How did you know?
Gay guy: Gay guys know everything

They come across another light.

Straight guy: Said why did you stop again?
Gay guy: The light is going to be red.
( light turns red )
Straight guy: How did you know?
Gay guy: Gay guys know everything

Here is when you trick the person your telling this to.

They get to the party,

Ok here is when you have to be really serious.
You need to be able to say " They rang the, what is that thing called? " when they reply with doorbell you say. GAY GUYS KNOW EVERYTHING!!

Ok here is how you start out this joke.

You: Hey wanna hear a joke?
Person: Sure
You: Your straight.
( Here you need to start laughing, the person will be so confused. )

You: You get it?

( The person will most likely be like no? )

You: I said your straight because its a joke.

( Here is when the person will finally get the joke and laugh. )

a man walks into a bar
he sees somebody jump out the 10th story window.he flies around the building 5 times.he flies back in and lands behind the bar.the man asks him what he drank.the man says magic beer and gives him a cup and tells him to try.he drinks it and jumps out the window falls and breaks everybone in his body.the bartender tells the man
dont fuck with super man when he is drunk.

this guy walks into a bar and needs money. he asks the bartender how he can get money. the bartender says thet there is a horse in the backroom that never laughs or cries. the bartender says he'll give him 100 dollars if he can get it to laugh and a 1000 if he can get it to cry.
he goes in and comes back out in ten minutes.the bartender checks on the horse to see if its laughing.it is so he wants it to cry. so the bartender leaves and ten minutes later then man comes out to get the bartender.the bartender checks on the horse and its crying.he asks the man how he got it to laugh and cry.
the man says "well to get it to laugh i said my dick was bigger than his."
the bartender says ok. how did you get it to cry then?
the man says "well i whipped it out and showed him."

A businessman enters a tevern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartneder to preapre another double martini. After he finishes that, he agian peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring him another double martini.

The bartender says, "look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martini's all night long, but you got to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home!

A rabbi, a priest, and a bishop walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

ok there wuz this teenage boi that had 2 share a room with his lil brother on bunck beds....one night the teenage boi brought his gurlfriend over when his lil borther was sleepin then the teenage boi brought her on his bed nd said ''we have 2 be quiet so...if you wanna do it faster or slower say lettice but if you wanna change posittions say tomato.'' so.....they started nd she..said ''lettice, tomato, lettice, tomato.'' then his lil borther wakes up nd says ''can you stop makin sandwiches ur gettin mayonnaise on my face....!!!!!


HA HA HA HA HA THATS SO....FUNNY!! =)